Never Ever Dull
With every conversation, I always seem to end with "Never a dull moment"....our lives are rich, complex, and beautiful stories. Join me in laughing about everyday things and appreciating life-bumpy roads and all.
In the Christmas story, shepherds arrive at a manger. I imagine they get to the doorway of that stable and see Mary and Joseph snuggling a baby. Not just any baby but the Savior and King that angels told them had just been born. They enter, stumbling, breathless, smelly, sweaty, dirty, and wait for the invitation. An invitation to enter a sacred place, to come and see the long awaited One.
They walk into that stable. It didn’t matter what they looked like, where they came from, or what they believed. They were welcome just as they were. They simply wanted to see and know that the prophecies were true and that those angels who brightened up the skies and filled their fields with light spoke truth that the King had indeed come. It’s that simple. They just wanted to see. The invitation to enter that stable was open to them. No questions asked. No assumptions. No expectations. Just an open doorway to come see the Messiah. But I’m not sure if we truly get this. God of Inclusion. I ran across this title in a devotion. He really is inclusive. Those shepherds didn’t hesitate. They bolted to find out about this babe in a manger and entered without hesitation, not questioning if they would feel welcomed with their appearance and questions. Is He still the God of Inclusion? I think so. I don't think He has changed. So let's examine ourselves: Who among us really has a say in who gets to enter His presence and who doesn’t? God of Inclusion means inclusion of all, no exclusion. Do our words, actions, and hearts show evidence of this inclusion?
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I have two daughters, The Oldest and The Blonde. The Oldest happens to be an Enneagram 7 (aka The Adventurer) and is very persuasive. She convinced The Blonde to live on the edge and road trip to an island off the Outer Banks of North Carolina. They carefully planned out details like who would rent the jeep to drive on the beach, who would schedule the ferry trip, who would bring the camping equipment, and who would be in charge of the meals. The Blonde took the food job. When she messaged The Oldest about what to buy, it went something like this: The Blonde: What do you want to eat? I’m going grocery shopping. Tacos? The Oldest: I’m fine with bagels and peanut butter. I can eat that all day. LOL. After driving 2 ½ hours to catch a ferry that carried only a couple of 4-wheel drive vehicles and some leathery-skinned fishermen, they arrived at their destination. The island had no other people and they’re on their own. The Oldest was pleased with the adventure, and The Blonde was committed because the return ferry wouldn’t arrive until the next day. Untouched beaches. Big waves. Tall dunes. True serenity…until the late afternoon. It took two hours for The Oldest to get the fire going. She learned she had to build walls of sand so that the wind that was picking up wouldn’t blow out the flames. Just as she got the fire to a good place, she said, “Ready for tacos?”. Silence. Then, The Blonde responded, “What tacos?”. Huge silence this time. You could have heard a pin drop, but the wind was blowing hard.*** The Blonde pulled out peanut butter and bagels from her two small grocery bags. That’s pretty much all they had for food. Peanut butter and bagels. Nothing wrong with that. It’s a staple. But when you’re eating it for dinner, and then again for breakfast, and then again for lunch, you begin dreaming of how good tacos would be. “What tacos?”. I’m sure at this point there was a bit of tension in that salty air. Life sometimes is like that. All is going smoothly and then you hit something with a thud, stopping you in your tracks. That next chunk of time is critical. How do you handle it? Do you sit and feel miserable for yourself because you didn’t get the tacos that you expected? Or can you pull back and appreciate the beauty in your surroundings and hang onto the peanut butter and bagels because it will get you through? ***Note: The wind was mentioned several times in my post intentionally. After setting up the tents and air mattresses, a massive storm came through around 2 am. Lessons learned: collaborate on grocery lists and check the weather. They gather criss-cross applesauce on our worn-out classroom carpet. Routines are in place as I pull out my book. I share about Moses listening to God and being given the commandments on stone tablets. My environment-loving child bursts out with “Praise the Lord! It wasn’t plastic!” Our class erupts in laughter and smiles, because we know this child. Saving the world by recycling is what’s most important to her. That’s the lens through which she sees everything. Each day, you’d find a kid teetering over a trash can with an item, trying to decide if it should be recycled or not. Lights were turned off as much as possible, little paper was used, and far less was tossed in the trash cans. We all became conscious of how we can save the Earth because of this one student. Fresh perspectives change our views by pivoting us to see a situation through a different lens. What life circumstance may need an adjustment in how you are viewing it? Are you willing to listen to it and follow through with action? “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.” Matthew 7:24-25 (ESV)
“Yes, ma’am. You need to decide because we can’t come back in to get you. It’s too dangerous.” I still remember the police officer’s words. Flood waters were rising beneath my home, approaching more than six feet. When my bungalow was constructed over one hundred years ago, the builders dug out a huge area and created supports made of roughly cut rock cemented together. I’d never paid much attention to these pillars but spent my time renovating and decorating my home. I should have paid more attention. The water filled my cellar like a giant bathtub, and I wondered if the stone pillars would topple. You may not have experienced a flood, but you may have anxiety and fear that rise, seeping into your heart and thoughts. What am I doing with my life? Why is this relationship so shaky? How do I juggle all that’s expected of me? Life’s stresses can weaken us like walls that are falling down or crumbling. We wrestle desperately to keep everything looking strong but it’s exhausting. It just comes down to this: What is holding you up when everything is falling down? “Do not fear, for I am with you.” (Isaiah 43:5 NASB) Allow His promises to wash over you and comfort you, giving you rest from all that tugs at your heart. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you…. For I am the Lord your God.” (Isaiah 43:2-3 ESV) After the police officer’s words, I walked to my cellar to determine if the supports were in jeopardy. The water had risen in the last hour, but the pillars stood firm, not budging. Friends, we all face challenges, but we have God. With each challenge, we need to return to what’s holding up our faith and remember how faithful our God has been and will be in our lives. Stand firm on His promises and rest. Are you wrestling with stress? Anxiety? Fear? Remind yourself to rest, simply rest, on the pillars of His promises. He will never fail you. Father, thank you for Your promises that You will never leave us or fail us. Help me to give up wrestling and begin resting. When I feel that my life is giving way to fear, anxiety, and stress, let me remember You are my Support. “It will be ok,” she would murmur as she finished up washing my hair. I’d feel for the terry cloth towel and wrap it pretzel-twisty style around my head. Flopping the leftover towel across my shoulder, I would retreat, so glad that the ordeal of shampooing my hair was completed. I still remember the turquoise formica counters and the white porcelain sink which had to be cleared of the dishes my siblings and I would leave behind. It’s not hard to retrieve these memories, because I’m reliving it now. Again. But it’s different. I notice her push her walker to her side and hear her ask if the water is the right temperature. I reassure that it's just right as I encourage her to place her head near the faucet. I massage in the blue shampoo that she keeps by the sprayer for my visits. She talks and talks, loving the time that’s given only to her instead of attending to her bills, stocking her fridge, and fixing items on her repair list. I’ve learned to slow down and let her chatter, realizing how precious these moments are and how I should have slowed down years before. Yet, my life was full raising my own and trying to keep everything spinning. But was it that busy? Do we all keep our own agendas at the forefront of our lives? Why do we do this? I ponder a lot as I listen to her discuss the new pastor that she’s heard all about and who hasn’t even moved to town yet and how her friend brings in her mail every day after she visits the grocery store in the mornings and why she has to visit the store every morning is an ongoing mystery. We finish up our routine and I wrap her hair up with the terry cloth towel. She asks if I have everything ready to curl her hair to finish up my salon treatment. I watch with misty eyes as she maneuvers that walker back into the room where she carefully sits down ready for the next step in getting her hair "fixed up." I smile and pray that God gives me just a little bit more time. Time that will allow me now to say over and over to her that "it will be ok" and that I'm right here for her. New day Hot coffee Start computer Google news Website appears Perplexed thoughts Quickly delete Move on Next day Hot coffee Start computer Google news Website appears Mind wonders Why It’s There Call husband Rushes home At table Sit down Sideways glances Wringing hands “I’m exploring” Brain swirls Room spinning Sick stomach Stilted conversation Lingering questions Veil lifting False honesty Quickly exits Left alone At table Grabbing chair Holding on To What I Really Don’t know Weeks pass Months pass Awkward holidays Holding on Counselor appointments Hiding out Not sharing So hurtful Can’t tell Don’t Want Anyone To Know This truth Him: Strong Christian Church leader Promise Keeper Discipled men Family groups Men’s studies Proud father All lies Façade built Everyone clueless Public image Meant everything Says he Knew I Was easy To deceive Trying reconciliation More counseling Building trust Sharing more Peeling layers Pouring out Digging deep Spiritual renewal Raw emotions Seeking hope More revealed But My Gut Tells Me It’s Not Everything Shaky hands Take paper Call number Of Steve Investigator suggested By attorney Who had An inkling But I Didn’t Want To Go That Route Send children To friend Steve comes Takes computers I wait For results Pleading with God to Be with Me Steve calls So Much Worse Than Ever Imagined What’s next? Dig deeper Ask God For Help His guidance His leading Don’t Want To Face Failure Papers filed Standing alone In courtroom Knowing this Was The Only Answer Step outside Breathe in Breathe out Closer to God Knowing He’s With Me And Feels This Gut Wrenching Ache Questions rush Parenting four? All alone? Financially stable? What will People think? Days, weeks, Months, years So different Stronger, confident Knowing God Never left Me And He Remains By My Side You can pick where you live. But you can’t pick your neighbors. Thankfully, I hit the jackpot when it comes to neighbors. Just a few days after moving into my first home as a single mom with four kids, we had a snowstorm. In this part of North Carolina, this translates to some snow mixed with threatening ice. Heavy with ice, a dogwood tree split and the branches landed on the side of my house, blocking off the driveway. My oldest son tried to saw and pull the branches off the roof, but the task was daunting. I remember looking up and seeing an 80-something year old man walking towards us with his saw, some rope, and a bit of a grin. Quietly, he roped the branch, told my boys what to do, and took charge of the situation. It was bitterly cold so we exchanged names, expressed our gratitude, and returned to our homes. His help that day sparked the beginning of a friendship. Mr. Petty became our favorite handyman, landscape consultant, plumber, and electrician. We could chat about everything from daffodils to quartz countertops. Yet, one conversation was a game changer. After learning that I had returned here to be close to my widowed mother, he mentioned that his house-bound wife was from that same small town where I had grown up. Each day, I'd share more about my life and he began to connect the dots. The picture revealed was one only God could create. It turned out that his wife grew up in the same town as I had grown up. My mom taught her when she was in high school. And the kicker? Mrs. Petty introduced my parents to each other…over sixty years ago. The dots connected, our friendship continued with a sweetness of knowing we were meant to be neighbors and friends. I hope to see you again, Mr. Petty.* *Written as Mr. Petty is in a hospital alone fighting cancer during this Covid -19 crisis. It seemed like an easy task: Toss the grocery bag with 2 rolls of toilet paper to the second floor balcony. As we all hunker down during this quarantine, my oldest daughter begged her sister to bring over the coveted prize of our grocery store items-toilet paper-to her apartment. Trying to maintain social distance, the younger one tossed the bag "grandma-style" up to her sister who was waiting. The oldest awaiting this prize stretched out her arms in preparation for the catch which would be like scoring the winning touchdown at the Super Bowl. One chance. One throw. Not enough. Thump! The bag with the two rolls of toilet paper landed with a thud on the balcony below my daughter's apartment. Both my girls look at that balcony and the huge hedge surrounding it with complete disbelief. Big eyes. Nervous laughs. Questioning looks of "What do we do now?" Life can be like that. We know what we want and seek desperately to get it. However, often what we want isn't within reach. And that's a tough place to be: a job hasn't come through, a relationship is off track, opportunities are in the wings but haven't made it to the stage, front and center. "Now what?" takes up all our mental space. But that's just where God wants us to be. God wants us to desire Him just as we reach out for other things. He wants us to answer those questions of "What do we do now?" and "Now what?" with His name. Now what? God. For example, we can choose to respond with "God is in control of this" and "God is always with me.". When faced with the "Now what?", choose to stretch out and seek Him to guide your next plan of action. "Dog Interference" was marked on the package. What was up with that? Recently, my Oldest ordered an Apple watch and had it sent to my home. She wanted to ensure that someone would be home to sign off on the package. Sounds simple, right? Yet, when the truck arrived, my dog went to the door and sat peering at the strange vehicle. No one got out of the truck and it drove off. Later, my Oldest received a text stating "the package was undeliverable due to dog interference". What?! Banks was inside the whole time and not interfering with the delivery. He just appeared to be a possible interference. How often are we like the delivery guy? We are trying to get from Point A to Point B, but we get side tracked and let fear take over. What holds us back? Are we not able to take the steps that we know we're supposed to take because we cave in to fear? What is currently holding you back from taking the next step? Is it your own doubt or is it a valid fear? Sometimes, when we're in the driver seat, things may seem daunting and they can quickly escalate, creating anxiety. I've felt it and know how my heart races as I pull back, hesitant to step out. But God. That's when I have to stop and give it up. I hit a point when I give up control and stop allowing that internal battle to take place in my head. I mean sometimes I have to put the brakes on a major war! What about if I fail? But God will be there. What about if I make a fool of myself or get my feelings hurt? But God will be there. What about if I say the wrong words or make the wrong choice? But God will be there. We can spend too much time worrying about the potential of "dog interference". What is keeping you from stepping out and walking to your next goal? "We're definitely doing it this year," my Oldest stated firmly. "You said no presents last year but then you went out and got us gifts. So then I had to scramble and find gifts right before Christmas." Sigh.
That conversation was on repeat in my head as we neared December 25th. No presents for Christmas? That just seemed illegal! But it was becoming reality quickly as the days leading to that holiday that seemingly is all about shopping, hustling and bustling, and frantically getting things done before Christmas Eve. I know Christmas is about the birth of my Savior, but if we're really transparent, there's a lot of pressure to have it all together during this season. By "all", I mean the gifts purchased, wrapped, and placed under a tree that is beautifully decorated beside windows that have wreaths neatly hanging in the center of the top panes. Christmas is wonderful but it can be exhausting especially when you're doing it as a single mom. So when the Oldest brought up the conversation about truly not buying gifts this year and gave her reasoning, I had to pause and give it consideration. My four and I discussed it and only Kaz Kid felt the emptiness of not having gifts. The majority ruled. We agreed no presents for this Christmas. At first, it was nerve wracking. Everyone around me was buying gifts for their Secret Santas at work. I'd walk into Target and immediately felt the urge to travel down the dollar (and three and five dollar) aisle to pick up stocking stuffers. I'd see great deals pop up on my device and felt the clock ticking down with the need to get the "perfect" gift before the alarm sounded. Yet, each day, I held back. Each day, I exhaled more deeply than the day before, recognizing that I didn't feel the need as much as the previous day. I'd awake and settle down in my chair to sip my coffee and have my prayer time. My brain that is so often cluttered with a zillion things running through it was clear. For the first time in a long time, I pushed back on the busyness of the season and prepared my heart for the coming of the King. Christmas arrived and along with it, our experiment of no presents. The outcome? I felt that our presence as a family far outweighed the idea of presents. And for me personally, I drew closer to God. By eliminating the things that distracted me, I felt drawn to His presence. Presence or Presents? It was a tough choice but my prayer is that all of us choose to be present with those we love and draw closer to HIs presence. |
AuthorFun-loving mom to 4 kids and 1 big puppy. Fifth grade teacher of amazing little people who have never ending things to share with me. Love to discuss Jesus, diy projects, and life. Trying to keep it simple: Love Jesus, love people. Archives
December 2021
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